Okay ... So I had this today, it was delicious with a buttercream walnut topping.
I have been feeling a bit blah today , yep down in the dumps ,well and truly. I have had depression in varying degrees on and off during my life, triggers like deaths and similar situations trigger it for me and I fear it constantly especially now when I know I am more vulnerable since my baby died. Concentration can be very difficult at times like this, I need to write everything down so I don't forget it, eating meals is hit or miss and sleep is the same . I normally exercise 5-7 days a week , but even though I am still trying to do it my heart is not in it ,and I am extra tired during it and not getting the feel good sensations I normally get after exercising.
Talking to people about what it feels like is near impossible unless the person has been through the same thing . I try and pick people to chat to about this feeling who's jobs it is to listen or my mum who had it when she was a younger woman.
It's really lonely and feels hopeless at times . I never like to talk to friends about it for fear or losing friendships, bringing them down or fear of being avoided by them. Reading helps me block out negative thoughts , it's hard to think about yourself when you are concentrating on characters glamourous lives or awesome adventures. It does take practise as my mind will try and wander back to my own worries but I keep pulling it back to the page I am reading even if I have to read the page five or six times to make it sink in. If you are feeling the same way then try and talk to your own GP or Nurse in your local surgery who can give advise and will have had plenty of experience talking to people about this. Just because we go to them with no visable injuries does not mean that they can't help us when we are hurting on the inside .
Until next time x x x x