Thursday, March 19, 2015

Books, Nibbles And Feeling Depressed

Okay ... So I had this today,  it was delicious with a buttercream walnut topping. 
I have been feeling a bit blah today , yep down in the dumps ,well and truly. I have had depression in varying degrees on and off during my life, triggers like deaths and similar situations trigger it for me and I fear it constantly especially now when I know I am more vulnerable  since my baby died. Concentration can be very difficult at times like this, I need to write everything down so I don't forget it, eating meals is hit or miss and sleep is the same . I normally exercise 5-7 days a week , but even though I am still trying to do it my heart is not in it ,and I am extra tired during it and not getting the feel good sensations I normally get after exercising. 
Talking to people about what it feels like is near impossible unless the person has been through the same thing . I try and pick people to chat to about this feeling who's jobs it is to listen or my mum who had it when she was a younger woman. 
It's really lonely and feels hopeless at times . I never like to talk to friends about it for fear or losing friendships, bringing them down or fear of being avoided by them. Reading helps me block out negative thoughts , it's hard to think about yourself when you are concentrating on characters glamourous lives or awesome adventures. It does take practise as my mind will try and wander back to my own worries but I keep pulling it back to the page I  am reading even if I have to read the page five or six times to make it sink in.  If you are feeling the same way then try and talk to your own GP or Nurse in your local surgery who can give advise and will have had plenty of experience talking to people about this. Just because we go to them with no visable injuries does not mean that they can't help us when we are hurting on the inside . 
Until next time x x x x


  1. This is something I can relate to.I understand those feelings and sympathise. Hope you wake feeling a little brighter tomorrow. Sending big hugs. xx ps That cupcake looks delicious,.

  2. Dear Edel ~ Be good to yourself and just "be" with yourself. You're grieving, being down and sad is a normal state. Depression is not always a bad thing. It can lead to revelations. I'm a big believer in throwing yourself across the bed and having a good loud sobbing cry for as long as it takes. True, sometimes we have to put on a face to deal with the world, but when you're home or alone, don't shove any feelings under the rug. They're real, they belong to you. (Big hugs)

    1. I am feeling numb, I think it would help if I could cry but it's just a feeling of loss and nothingness . I am keeping a journal to put it in some sort of perspective and sort it somehow... Well as much as you can with something like this. I think having the miscarriage investigation tests going on at the same time as grieving makes it feel never ending , but I do need to know why I keep losing my babies. Hopefully there will be light at the end of the tunnel or at least answers that will bring some light to questions I needed answering.

  3. Thank you Shelley! I hope so. I hope it will pass. That cupcake should be recommended twice a day until anyone needs to feel better :0)

  4. It's a terribly tough thing to go through, Edel. I hope your doctors can come up with some answers. It's the not knowing why that makes everything so much harder. I'm glad to hear you're keeping a journal and writing your feelings down, it helps, believe me. And don't judge yourself for feeling down, sleep as much as you can, to recover, even write your dreams down, that will help too. (More hugs!)