This past Christmas felt lonely ...the little ornaments in the shops with " baby's first Christmas " made me smile but I hurt a little inside too . Looking back over the Christmas photos from two years ago I could see my hopes and fears on my face . I am glad I never knew what was ahead of me and for the small amount of time it was me and my baby both healthy with hearts beating along together as I did by best to keep my little one safe.
Anniversarys are hard . You remember your loss , relive the time they died, mourn empty arms and part of you does die with each baby and you don't get that part of yourself back . It is replaced by something else , a little more cautious ....more wary... and fearful .
So my hopes for this year are the same as I had when I lost my baby that January . To be kinder on myself and stop beating myself up for what might have been.