Saturday, May 21, 2016

Changes And Some Other Things I don't Like

As you know from the title of my blog it mentions beauty .... As you may also have noticed beauty products and talk of skin care have been lacking in my blog as well as my weekly catch ups that I used to have with you . So much has happened / changed with me health wise that I am at a crossroads right now .
I should probably explain a little bit about what I mean. 
With health and my personal life both struggling now I am trying to keep my head above water,  and I am struggling . 

All of this started in 2014. I noticed mild burning when I would wear makeup and nail polish then when I got pregnant towards the end of that year it got a lot worse almost as soon as I got pregnant.
I became wary of putting any of these products on that I had previously loved. I have always been a girly girl and so these changes really effected me but I did not know what was causing the reactions on my skin that I was feeling. When I began to have reactions to Medications I had previously taken too then I was even more worried which really added to my stress levels ,rising blood pressure and panic attacks and general anxiety on a daily basis. Trips to the doctor and hospital became more frequent and I became a lot more aware about what would touch my skin , and be brought into my home ( like paint)  etc. 
I then had tests in hospital done and they were at least able to give me some results , I was allergic to Epoxy Resin, Nickel and E223 , these things are in a huge amount of things including food , drink , medications , skincare , makeup, hair dye , nail polish and basically a lot of stuff I come into contact on a daily basis .

 I am going to leave out the medications I can no longer take that I react to now. Let's just stick with this for now.

I have had depression before on and off and I try to manage it as best I can , remembering mediation, exercise, regular sleep and meal times and trying to include fun things but when I am depressed the things I love most I tend to not be able to do like watching a movie or remembering things like to sleep etc . 
With hugh levels of stress,and migraines now every week , crippling tiredness ...this week was particularly bad. I try and make the best of having this bloody illness but at times I struggle with it. It's a lonely isolating illness . I am quite a shy person anyway but I love to talk with people and I love hearing about their lives but when things are bad with me I dissapear to protect myself or maybe it is to hide how bad I feel . Some days just running a brush through my hair or cooking a meal or even eating one is hard going . I wish for less of those days, and for peace from all the worries,  and the things I have no control over.  
When it's like this it is harder to verbalise how I feel and what's going on , making it harder on anyone trying to help. 
So now I am trying to put things in my empty bathroom cabinets that my skin will except so that I can get some of the fun back that I used to have with the cosmetic fun side to being female. The depression will run its course or do whatever it likes as it tends to do and I will do my best to get up every day , run a brush through my hair , look at my books and just get through each day in one piece when most of the time all I want to do is cry. 
I am sorry this post is a bit of a downer but I thought I needed to talk to you about why my life and beauty posts had been MIA for a while now and hopefully when I have a better understanding of it all and or I am in a better head space I will back to you again in a cheerier position from this sunny corner of the north west coast of Ireland . 

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